I’ve been meaning to do this for years. I’m writing this on my way home from a night out with one of my best friends and her boyfriend which has left me energised. I’ve only been single for three weeks, where is the bitterness, cynicism and longing slash loathing? Have I been conditioned to accept these traits as fact or am I just a cold bitch?
My relationship ended in delusion. The rose tinted glasses were fogged over with the highest sucrose concentration and suddenly they weren’t so sweet. It’s like listening to Bob Dylan on a come down. The smell of chocolate had faded and I could taste the spoon of cocoa left in my mouth, acrid and sobering.
These feelings have been stirred since I saw him over the weekend. It was the all awkward collection of personal items after the collapse meeting. An intoxicating mixture of loathing and nostalgia.
I forget that I’ve been fostering these feelings for a little while and I instigated the break up so I am a few jumps ahead but my patience is non existant, tolerance seems equally void.
My friend suggested speed dating – not as a means to an end but as an experiment and perhaps a ‘maybe this time’ optimism in which I indeed invest. You never know…